Monday, September 8, 2014

College Essay: Rough Draft

Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

            It’s been said and done before. Hearing all of these common stories on how easy-going yet not so perfect life has developed for different people. February 13th, 2003, my family had taken a huge risk and moved to Hawaii. But it wasn’t that easy. My mother, my sister, and I had to leave my dad behind in the Philippines because he still did not have a Visa to move to the United States. That was the thing with my parents, they would’ve done anything and everything they could possibly do to create and ensure a better future for my both my sister and I. But being only three-years-old at the time, nothing made sense to me; I literally was a blank canvas waiting for what the world had to offer.
            Growing up, I’ve become the child that asks elders if they needed help or if someone was in need of assistance, they had my attention. Being raised by all women with possibly no male role models, has to be the reason why I am the person I am today. I was taught to never be too loud, be polite, courteous, and to always think before I do anything. But there was nothing wrong with that, having my caring family and going to a private school for nine years has definitely impacted how I’ve grown. I’ve matured faster than any other person in my grade. I’ve learned through the people around me that you must work hard in order to get what you want in life. And that’s exactly what I’m doing to this day.
            Now, having both parents with me that work hard each day to provide for the rest of our family puts me into a position to where their ambition and determination to succeed motivates me to make them proud. Although my parents would say that grades weren’t everything, I knew they secretly hinted that school is probably the biggest thing I should be focused on.  From the very beginning I was told that I needed to prioritize everything I did, which means being smart in every aspect I could think of. So while I see other teenagers my age worrying about not being in a relationship, I worried about what I want to become or what my future has in store for me.
            The world I have come from may seem quite boring and plain, but through my eyes, it’s my key to success. Through those around me, I have been shaped as an individual that aspires to have the determination and commitment my parents had. They’ve started with absolutely nothing, and now they’re in a position they’d never thought they would be in. That’s how I see myself in the future. I want to look back and think that all of what I have worked for is finally going to become something far more than what I expect. Though I have yet to discover what I in vision to be, I am working to the best of my ability to gain a successful future.


3 comments:

  1. Your essay is wonderful as always! I would put slightly more info about how not growing up with a father impacted you in not just being proper, but curious maybe?

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  2. Your essay captured the essence of the essay perfectly. Great job on the various details. Although, I had trouble comprehending the second sentence of the first paragraph.

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  3. MS(3-) WHY NO ROLE MODELS? MAKE SURE YOU EXPLAIN THAT. YOU ALSO STATE ALL THESE THINGS YOU HAVE LEARNED GROWING UP BUT HOW? HOW DID YOU LEARN TO BE SO RESPECTFUL TO YOUR ELDERS AND HOW DID YOU MATURE FASTER THAN EVERYONE? YOU DID A GREAT JOB EXPLAINING HOW YOU WERE RAISED BUT THE ENTIRE ESSAY LACKS PERSONALITY AND CHARACTER. SO THAT LEADS TO REALLY NOT KNOWING MUCH ABOUT YOU. YOU NEED TO BE MORE PERSONAL, EXPOSE YOUR PERSONALITY TO US WHILE STILL TALKING ABOUT THE WORLD YOU LIVE IN .

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